Can Anyone Here Play This Game?
I get up like any other day to get ready for work. As I am making some fresh coffee I flip on ESPN. Hey what the hell is this? There is ‘breaking baseball news’ they say, coming up after the break. So as the commercials play, and the coffee drips, I start to feed the dogs. Then the sports news comes back on.
“Someone has a new manager,” Stewart Scott starts to chirp, “can you guess who?”
Me: “No, I can’t guess who, moron,” I mutter irritably, “why don’t you cut the crap and just tell me,” I implore the screen. “Geez I haven’t even had my coffee yet and I’m supposed to guess who has a new manager. It won’t be the Mets that’s for sure!”
Stewart: No, It’s not the Mets, care to try another guess?
Me: Oh c’mon!
Stewart: The Cincinnati Reds have decided to go in a different direction as the team this morning has announced they have cut ties with manager Bryan Price after just one year at the helm.
Me: Big deal.
Stewart: But what’s even more interesting is that they have already conducted their search for a successor, and this morning they have announced Price’s replacement as well. The new Reds manager for the 2015 MLB season will be Wally Backman, who finally gets a chance to manage in the majors after being hired and then fired by the Diamondbacks in less than a week, way back in……..
But that was all I remember. The next thing I was aware of was that I was throwing things. Both out the window and at the wall. I remember things smashing and bits of broken glass flying about the room. I was hurling both everyday household items and cherished family possessions without prejudice. I was even throwing left-handed and right-handed at the same time. I didn’t even know I could throw lefty.
And all the while I was cursing in a most vile manner. It didn’t even sound like the voice was coming from me. I screamed insults at the Mets owners, the front office, the field manager, even Mr. Met. But did it make me feel any better? Hell no, this just ain’t right! Wally a Cincinnati Red, are you kidding me!?! He should be manager of the Mets! And I heave an empty wine bottle out the window.
And then….the press conference starts. And there is Wally, one of the few true Mets icons and heroes, and he’s being introduced as manager of the Reds. He’s wearing a red hat and jersey. As a Mets fan, I can’t tell you how bad this makes me feel. And how pissed off. It’s just another slap in the face for being a fan of the Mets.
My eyes comb the room for something else to throw and I spy a 1986 Mets World Champions table lamp over by the open window. Perfect. I pick it up and give it a yank, but the plug doesn’t come out. I pull harder, then really hard. The plug suddenly comes loose and I tumble backwards out the window. As I’m falling my life starts to pass before me. I am still mad at the Mets, but I start to worry about dying too and wondering if it will hurt? And right then, I wake up.
Wow, that was a horrible nightmare! And so real too! I’m glad it was just a bad dream. I flip on the TV.
Stewart: “Someone has a new manager, can you guess who?”