5 Bold Predictions For The 2013 Mets

This might be the third or fourth time that I take issue with something I read on Bleacher Report and replied with a counter-post or a reaction post. I’m sorry, but they make it way too easy. ūüėČ

My latest quibble was with today’s post entitled:

5 Bold Predictions for the New York Mets’ Offseason

With a title like that, I couldn’t wait to open it up and see all these bold predictions. I am as big a fan of the Mets offseason as I am of the regular season. I look at each offseason as the preamble to the new season; in this case 2013. But alas, my enthusiasm was completely shot to hell the second I read the first bold prediction that the Mets would re-sign David Wright, and by the time I got to the fifth bold prediction I literally wanted to put my fingers in my eyes and swirl them around for a few minutes.

Bleacher Report

  1. Mets Will Sign David Wright To An Extension
  2. Mets Will Sign R.A. Dickey To An Extension
  3. Jason Bay Will Be Cut
  4. Mets Wil Revamp The Bullpen
  5. Mets Will Trade Daniel Murphy

Those were some real bold predictions, huh? Great job BR, nice way to go out on a limb…

Now here are my 5 Bold Predictions For The 2013 Mets:

1. Mets Trade Jason Bay, Zack Wheeler, Josh Thole, Jordany Valdespin to Twins for Joe Mauer

Now that’s what I call bold. The Mets bite the bullet and take on Mauer’s $23 million a year contract and solve their catching problem through the 2018 season. The Twins get a top pitching prospect and a¬†versatile and toolsy player in Valdespin. Thole can be a stopgap behind the plate for them. To make our accountants happy, they take Jason Bay off our hands in the process while kicking in $5 million a year through 2018.

2. Mets Sign Oliver Perez

After a breakthrough season in which he posted career bests in BB/9, WHIP and ERA, Sandy Alderson catches everyone by¬†surprise¬†at the Winter Meetings and announces that he has signed left-hander Oliver Perez to a one-year $2.5 million contract. Perez was dominant in his short stint with Seattle in 2012, and it was enough to convince the Mets GM that Ollie was back. “He will be a valuable piece to our puzzle next season”, Alderson said.

3. Mets Sign David Wright, Name Him Captain, Give Him 4% Ownership Stake

There’s some more boldness for you. The Mets don’t just sign Wright to an extension, they offset the dollars with one of those $20 million ownership stakes they’ve been peddling which will just thrill Wright to death. David proudly accepts the Captianship, but says he will not wear a “C” on his uniform. because it reminded him too much of the “L” Laverne wore on Laverne and¬†Shirley.

4. Fred Wilpon Steps Down As CEO and Chairman of the Board

That’s right, you heard it here first. With the team now heading in the right direction and all arrows pointing up, Fred Wilpon steps down as as CEO and Chairman of the Board and passes his keys to his son Jeff Wilpon. Jeff’s first order of business is to announce Fred Wilpon Bobblehead Day during the last home game of the 2013 season. However, the very next day,John Franco is called upon to oversee the cleanup by the NYC Department of Sanitation who are brought in to remove the 30,000+ bobbleheads strewn all over the field. new minority owner David Wright is on hand to give the cleanup crew some autographs and inspiration.

5. R.A. Dickey Teaches Knuckleball To Manny Acosta

Manny Acosta shows up to Spring Training and shocks everyone in camp when he unveils his new dancing knuckleball. “I spent the offseason working out with Dickey to teach me the knuckleball”, he said. “I couldn’t get it right no matter how hard I tried, but then R.A. started to wave his hands in front of my face and I felt this incredible force take over my body. I threw 25 pitches, all knuckleballs, and 23 for strikes. In my country we call this a miracle.” That wasn’t a miracle, you dork… It was a Jedi Mind Trick.