Baseball Nation: The Many Crimes Of R.A. Dickey

Michael Bates of Baseball Nation with the ultimate R.A. Dickey post of the week. Bates compiles a partial list of the many crimes R.A. Dickey committed against the Mets. It’s a great reaction piece against some of the poppycock that has been coming from mainstream writers like Mike Puma and Ken Davidoff who both tried to give our favorite elf a very cruel and undeserved sendoff.

Dickey likes to give away tickets to underprivileged kids, who never buy as much food, drink, and merch as the poor privileged kids that Dickey just tends to ignore. Or their fathers who guzzle down Citi Field’s beer supply.
Instead of using his off-day to gently relax his arm and ankle in a whirlpool, or building camaraderie by golfing with his buddies on the team, Dickey went to a candlelight vigil and Take Back the Night March to raise awareness for victims of sexual abuse.
A devoted family man, Dickey doesn’t spend nearly as much time chasing tail with his teammates on the road, creating a leadership void in which nobody takes the time to show the rookies how it’s done.
Even with a hard knuckleball, Dickey’s pitches are really hard for Josh Thole to catch, and Tholes already has enough problems trying to hit without worrying about this, too.
He once violated team policy by nodding hello to Jason Bay, thereby acknowledging his existence and lending crucial support at a time when Mets brass were trying to undermine his sense of self-worth and cause a total and complete mental breakdown so insurance would cover his salary, or better yet, he’d retire and become a hermit, convinced no one else could see or hear him.
Dickey told David Wright to follow his heart and sign Sandy Alderson’s extension offer, thereby tying the Mets into another long-term commitment they probably can’t afford and will almost certainly end up regretting.
He went on The Daily Show and talked with professional funnyman Jon Stewart, who makes jokes at the Mets’ expense sometimes.
R.A. sent flowers to the Mets’ traveling secretary on Secretary’s Day, thoughtlessly failing to remember that Wilpon was probably going to forget; he thereby simultaneously made the boss look bad and raised expectations of future gifts.
Thinking of his daughters, on June 2nd Dickey gave the baseball from the final out to a little girl as he walked off the field after his complete-game shutout over the Cardinals. BASEBALLS COST MONEY, R.A.!
Worried about his precious reputation as nice guy, friend to all, and upstanding citizen more than his team’s pride, Dickey steadfastly refuses to throw at Carlos Beltran’s head in every at-bat.
Because he doesn’t know how to win, Dickey gave up eight runs to Atlanta on April 18. Some people just lack that killer instinct.
Dickey has already reserved two full pages of ad space in every single New York paper, including The Village Voice, to thank Mets fans for their support over the last three years, proving he already has one foot out the door. #Trader!