I’m not going to lie to you, I was worried about baseball season starting. A weird thing to say, right? Especially as we have now been months without baseball, I know. But it has taken me this long to come out and admit it, publicly.
For those of you who have followed me from the start – first off, thank you all. I appreciate your support more than you know. Secondly, I wanted to write this, as I’m sure there are a few of you out there who may be able to relate.
You likely already know that I lost my little brother, Christopher, to Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy in October, five days after the Mets’ 2019 season ended. He was the biggest Mets fan I will ever know, but besides that he was my best friend, my favorite person to go to games with, watch games with, and just talk baseball with him. In fact, if it weren’t for him, I don’t even know if I would be here right now writing this for you.
He was the one who pushed me into the sports writing world. When I took a break from Mets writing, he was the one who encouraged me to get back to it and take this job with Metsmerized. He was the one I bounced article ideas off of. He was the one who inspired many articles too, mostly from his yelling during the games we watched.
As you can imagine, I was worried about handling baseball season without him. How could I continue watching the Mets without him? How is it fair that I can still watch the Mets play and he can’t? (Even though there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s up there throwing the ball to Gary Carter right now. Heck, he may even be having more baseball activity than we are!).
I put off going to Spring Training because I was afraid I couldn’t handle it, and once I finally remembered that my brother would have definitely not wanted me to do that, Coronavirus hit and the weekend I was supposed to go no longer happened.
But, that’s the thing. I realized my brother would be so angry with me. I could almost hear him yelling at me. Of course it’s going to be weird and difficult and flat out suck not having him here to watch games with, but I can’t just give it all up because I’m worried. Christopher didn’t get to see a Mets’ World Series in his lifetime, but hopefully I will be able to – and I know that’s what he’s hoping, too.
At first, I thought this delay in baseball would make my ease back into the Mets without my brother easier. But instead, it has made it harder. I don’t have that Pete Alonso home run to put a smile on my face. I don’t have that in-game article to write for you all to distract me. I don’t have that Jacob deGrom start to give me hope again – to give all of us the hope we need right now. I don’t have that pregame press conference to live-tweet from for all of you.
Baseball has a way of healing. Not that I will ever be fully healed from this loss, but I know that baseball will help. It will give me a piece of my brother back. It will allow me to continue to love this team that he loved more than anything. It will allow me to continue to live out his legacy.
I know this isn’t your “typical” Metsmerized article. But I also know that many of you have lost great Mets fans too. And if you ever felt the above, I’m right here with you. And always remember, Ya Gotta Believe.
In honor of Christopher, we are selling “Ya Gotta Believe, like Christopher” shirts in his memory, with a portion of proceeds being donated in his name. To purchase yours and continue Christopher’s legacy, please click here.
