Adding Miami To My Most Hated List

You know, Joe and I briefly discussed this last week and as days go by I think about it more and more.

In my sports fan life, I have the teams I cheer for passionately. We are all Mets fans, but for me, I also cannot stand the Philadelphia Phillies, NY Yankees, Boston Red Sox (went to school surrounded by annoying Sox fans), and the Atlanta Braves. That is in order too.

However, something has been brewing and I think it is finally fermented just right. I hate the Miami Marlins. When I use the word hate with a sports team, I do not mean I wish bad things to happen to them or their families. What I mean is, I hope to see their players crying on a bench, looking dumbfounded trying to figure out what just happened or simply have the roster blown to pieces due to an epic failed attempt to purchase a playoff roster.

Let me count the ways!

The way in which they got their new stadium and how the SEC is investigating the methods in which it was funded.

The way they went out and saturated the free agent market by up’ing the price on every piece of talent there was in hopes to create a dream team atmosphere only to most likely trade everybody within 3 years.

The fact that Jose Reyes acted like he didn’t have a strong interest in being a Miami Marlin and blamed the fact he is there on the Mets not taking him to dinner.

The fact their new uniforms and logo were leaked to the media before some of their own front office staff even saw them, and they are a rip off of Maroon 5 and Christian Aguilera’s logo for Moves Like Jaggar.

The obnoxiously disgusting monument in the outfield that makes me hope Lucas Duda drives a HR through it like The Natural in the stadium lights.

Their new Manager Ozzie Guillen who was never cute in Chicago deciding that hey I’m in Miami, let’s talk about how great Fidel Castro is. Now, he’s got a press conference scheduled tomorrow so he can apologize. Maybe he should have a press conference in which he describes his new role will be Managing a baseball team, and not saying things just to say them while also offending the most prominent Cuban American community in the U.S. Just a thought Ozzie, just a thought.

On Opening Day, a sold out crowd watched as a video showing a local soldier was played as his family watched on the field. If anybody has ever seen this done at other sporting events, USUALLY it ends with that soldier returning home to see his/her family as a surprise. Only in Miami, as everybody watched and waited, nothing happened. What was the point?

Last but not least, bringing out a sports legend like Muhammad Ali who can clearly not walk, and probably cannot even speak to “deliver the first pitch,” was sickening. Not as sickening as owner Jeffrey Loria hanging on to Ali as if to say “Look fans I’m cool, I know The Champ!” Then to have them physically move Ali’s hand over to Hanley Ramirez made it worse.

But the worst part about that entire scene was when the 5-6 Marlins players gathered around Ali to take a photo. The man cannot even turn his head, so the players faced the camera and Ali was facing the other way. You see similar photos taken at the zoo or circus where the animal in the photo has no idea they are even in a photo.

So here it is. In 2012, I will still despise my usual teams, I’ll root against the Phillies first and foremost, but if a playoff series comes down to Philly v. Miami, I cannot be so sure I will root against Philadelphia. After all, Miami has 6 more months of glorious embarrassing moments that will only further my hatred.

I will still enjoy any amount of failure that occurs in the Bronx, Boston or Atlanta but I am taking all of that energy, all of that hatred and focusing it on the Miami Marlins.

I liked Jose Reyes as a Met, but guess what, those days are over. He’s not a NY Met, he’s on a division rival. I have 0 interest in seeing him succeed. Other than his shaved bleached hair, he just looks like a corporate version of the player we grew to love.

I hope they all fail. I hope that 2 years from now, guys like Reyes, Hanley, Johnson, Stanton, Bell and LoMo are all in different uniforms. And not because of the usual Marlins way which is to win and then trade everybody away to ensure you have no loyalty among your fan base.

Instead, I’d like to see this entire plan blow up in their face to the point that the attendance figures in Miami are only high because of the amount of federal investigators in the building.

I’m hoping Jose Reyes hits .270 this year. I hope Hanley Ramirez gets into a physical altercation with at least 2 teammates, preferably Carlos Zambrano. I’m hoping LoMo tweets a photo of his junk to a players wife. I’m hoping Ozzie Guillen doubles up on his Castro praise and says Kony is Kool and MLB finally suspends him. I’m hoping as payback for stealing their logo, the Marlins must agree to let Christian Aguilera sing the National Anthem all season long.

It’s only April 9th, and the Miami Marlins are doing their best to get as much bad PR as the Jets and Mets have done in the past few years combined, and I hope it continues.

There’s a lot of baseball left to play, and if things do not go the Mets way in 2012, I hope that on October 1st the Marlins are within a game of clinching a playoff berth only to get swept by the NY Mets in their own new park.

Who knows, maybe Josh Thole can pick a fight with Jose Reyes to harness his inner Miguel Olivo?

About Michael Branda 267 Articles
Michael Branda grew up a Mets fan watching the mid 1980's teams and his favorite Met of all-time is (and was) Wally Backman. When it comes to sabermetrics versus old school thinking, he's in the middle and believes adopting new ways to get answers is helpful, especially when the old way has not produced results.