What Citi Field Really Needs

And now for something, completely different.

My first experience at Citi Field was in May of 2009, when the Mets beat the Pirates thanks for an 8th inning HR from Carlos Delgado. This was my bachelor party so needless to say, I had to check the box score to remember who hit the HR. I’ve been there now 5 times, I live out of state so it’s not as easy for me to get there as it may be for some.

I remember when the stadium first opened up. Fans would call into Francesa’s show and basically just shoot fish in a barrel at all the things “wrong” with Citi Field. My personal favorite was always the people who’d call in and say they can’t see the RF corner from their seat. I mean, seriously Wilpon’s next time build a rotating stadium. Jeez.

There was absolutely some really valid gripes. Such as the lack of the Mets “feel” to the stadium. I don’t personally care that the seats are not blue or orange, the wall would look cool if it were blue, but I don’t stay awake at night cursing the ownership because of the color of the seats. I visited the Mets Hall of Fame last night, it’s nice.

It’s “quant” as a real estate mogul might say to describe the size when attempting to sell. That’s okay, at least it’s something. The posters of Mets players should’ve been all over the stadium to begin with, that was a valid gripe. I’ve heard people complain that because of the Robinson Rotunda, the stadium feels more like a Dodgers stadium than a Mets. That’s just real dumb to me. If you can’t figure out that without the Brooklyn Dodgers history there would be no Mets franchise, then I can’t do anything for you.

There really is a lot to like about that stadium. It doesn’t quite feel like “our” stadium yet does it? I don’t know, just something about it doesn’t feel like it belongs to Mets fans yet. I doubt Yankees fans feel that way about their park. I think part of the problem is we went from living in a cardboard box to a mansion, and we kinda loved the way that cardboard box felt. It was awful and disgusting, but it was our home.

Anyway, I’m sure you have your ideas on what the stadium needs. Now ladies, you may want to check out of this blog at this point. Kids, I’ll keep it as clean as I can.

Dear Wilpon’s & Citi Field Management: Can you PLEASE invest in urinal barriers!?

Ladies, you may or may not know this and kids reading if you don’t, I’m about to give you a lesson in life that will live with you forever. This could be life changing.

I was at a wedding this past weekend, it had beautiful bathroom. I walk in, and there are 8 urinals. All of which are empty. Now, as the first person into the bathroom, it is your obligation to take a urinal far enough away from the door so that whoever walks into the bathroom behind you isn’t immediately greeted with a vulnerable you. So I went to the 7th urinal. Why? Give yourself a little cushion of space.

So an older gentlemen walks into the bathroom, and where does he stand? Urinal #6. 

Unacceptable. The only thing that saved me from the incredibly awkward moment was the fact there was a urinal barrier between us. He should’ve taken urinal #3 or at worst urinal #4. This should be non-negotiable. Urinal #6 and #8 were off limits until #3 4 and 5 were taken.

So fast forward to last night’s game that I attended. I guess I forgot that the urinals at Citi Field were basically trough’s. When I walked into the bathroom before the game started it was actually almost empty. There were 2 people using the urinals, both of which are known offenders of using the bathroom from too far away.

First, the young child, his goal in life is to see how far away he could possibly hit the urinal from. The second was the old man who needs to stand slightly far enough away so that he practically welcomes you into the restroom as you walk in. 

Now, look. I’m all for the idea of saving on water. These urinals are supposedly eco-friendly. If you’ve never seen them, they are essentially an actual toilet bowl shape urinal which gives you and the people around you absolutely no safe-guard for comfort.

I wasn’t able to upload a photo but here is pretty much what it looks like for those who have not seen it: http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/waterless-toilet-3.jpg

If you’re going to use these new urinals which look like toilet bowls on a wall, how about nailing in some barriers between each one? I’m starting to think that the Wilpon’s did lose $ in the Madoff scam, but that $ was the money from the urinal divider budget so that’s why they say they are financially stable still.   

Heck, if they put these simple dividers in, they could sell sponsorship on them. Bingo, there ya go. Turn a profit by letting every man relieve themselves in comfort and privacy.

I can’t even think of a reason why not to do this. It’s honestly the strangest thing I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen urinals with no barriers before, don’t get me wrong. Never though have I seen them with such an open-ness as these urinals have.

Women who are still reading, it’d basically be the same if all of your stalls had no walls between them and you ladies just lined up and popped a squat. Imagine how weird that’d be at a wedding with people you may or may not know? Now imagine that next to 15 women at a baseball stadium in the 5th inning. Yeah. Weird.

When you’re at a gym or in a locker room, things are a little different. It’s more of an understood agreement that yours could potentially be seen, and you could potentially see a lot more than you want. 

I’m pretty sure it shouldn’t be like that with 30,000+ people at a baseball stadium. There’s no way I’m the only one who thinks the Mets bathrooms are the most uncomfortable of any public bathroom they’ve been in.

So if the Mets cannot make any acquisitions at the trade deadline, I request that ownership and management go out and acquire some urinal barriers. If we have to drink heavily to make the team on the field entertaining, at the very least Mets brass can ensure we use the restrooms in comfort.

Oh, and this was supposed to be a light hearted blog. You know, get us away from the fire this guy, trade for this guy, cut Oliver type talk that we constantly get caught in. Have a little fun in life. It’s just baseball.

About Michael Branda 267 Articles
Michael Branda grew up a Mets fan watching the mid 1980's teams and his favorite Met of all-time is (and was) Wally Backman. When it comes to sabermetrics versus old school thinking, he's in the middle and believes adopting new ways to get answers is helpful, especially when the old way has not produced results.