Di-Jest: Wilpons Hatch Plan For Bogus Wright Retirement Tour

An article by posted on July 23, 2014 0 Comments

derek jeter david wright

The crack investigative unit here at MMO has uncovered a cynical plot developed by Jeff Wilpon with the approval of Papa Fred and Uncle (“Can I sell yet?”) Saul.

The younger Wilpon has become envious of what the Yankees, another team on the down slide, have done during the 2013 and 2014 seasons.

Last year Mariano Rivera spent the entire season being praised and lavished with gifts. He was the highlighted story of the All-Star Game right down to garnering the save at the end. Just his presence packed Yankee Stadium home games and the Bombers’ away games. The money rolled in and people forgave the Yankees for being un-Yankee-like during the regular season.

Then we got to this season and the honoree, Mr. RE2PECT  (pardon me for a second while I barf), was Derek Jeter. Same deal as with Mo and topped off with a grooved batting practice pitch from Adam (I struck out Beltran looking, so suck it) Wainwright so that Jetes could open the All-Star game with a hit. More gifts and abounding love. More huge crowds and good will while the Yankees spin the turnstiles but have trouble staying over .500.

Since the Wilpons are foursquare against the notion of spending reasonable big-market sums on their ball club they have hit on the idea of having David Wright, the beloved captain, announce his retirement at season’s end. They’ll trump up some reason for the early exit.

Then in 2015 it will be David who will be the center of the baseball world.  He’ll surely be voted to start the Midsummer Classic even if he is hitting what Chris Young is hitting right now.

Attendance at Citi will perk up especially in the usual weak crowd-drawing times aka August and September. Even the Mets’ road attendance figures to increase as clubs sadly say farewell to the classy third baseman.

Surely a sellout crowd can be counted on in early September as they do David Wright Day in Flushing. The ball club will give David a luxury car as a gift since we all know that people who make $18 million a year can not afford to buy nice cars for themselves. David’s number 5 will be retired in perpetuity and the Mets will announce that they vow never to have another player named “Wright” on their 40 man roster. Nice touch.

But since David is somewhat young to pack it in the key to the hoax will be his announcement on the last day of the regular season (I would say the playoffs but these are the Mets we’re talking about) that he has been so humbled by the love of the fans and his teammates that he will be back in 2016 – and plans to honor the rest of his long-term contract.

So fellow Mets fans when you see David with a tear rolling down his cheek and his voice cracking announcing his retirement don’t buy it for a second.  You read it here first.

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About the Author ()

Larry is a semi-retired optometrist (the tip off is the Twitter handle @dr4sight) who has been a Mets fan since the beginning - 1962. He's written humor articles for THE APPLE and THE REAL DIRTY METS BLOG. He lives in Saugerties with his wife of over 40 years and has two married sons, a grandson and two granddaughters. He's in two Strat-O-Matic baseball leagues, one of which he joined in 1978!. Roots for Mets, Giants, Jets, Rangers, Knicks. Roots against Yankees and Patriots. You can follow him on Twitter at:https://twitter.com/@dr4sight