A Funny Look at a Cure For The Mets Bullpen Woes

An article by posted on August 1, 2012

What is the one thing aside from Jason Bay that really gets Mets fans in an uproar?  All the Mets fans are screaming “the bullpen!!!”  Well Mets fans, I have figured out what the Mets have to do to get this bullpen back on its feet.

There is only one player that can save the Mets bullpen and bring us back to the glory and dominance that was experienced in the mid 1980s.  The following quote was cleaned up for our younger audience:

When I was 19 years old, I changed the face of professional baseball. I was handed the keys to the kingdom, multi-million dollar deals, endorsements. Everyone wanted a piece of me. Just a man with a mind for victory and an arm like a cannon. But sometimes when you bring the thunder, you get lost in the storm.

Fans of this player know exactly who I’m talking about.  It’s Kenny Powers.  That’s right, the Mer-Man himself.  He’s exactly what the Mets need coming out of the bullpen to gain back that bad boy image they were notorious for in the mid 80s.

Ask anybody out there, and they’ll tell you that the foundation of a great baseball player starts with an understanding of some basic fundamentals. Running, stretching, physical conditioning. These are the things that prepare your body for the many challenges a baseball player faces. I heard that crap thrown at me all my damn life. You know what Kenny Powers says? Fundamentals are the crutch for the talentless.

Even if the bullpen still stinks, we will be entertained.  I will close this out with another quote from the famous Kenny Powers, and if any one else has any better ideas on how to fix the Mets bullpen woes please share in the comments section below :-)

So, in closing, I’d like to give big ups to God, Buddha, L. Ron, whoever. Hell, maybe I just need to thank me. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through all my adventures and conquests, it’s that some people are just wired for success. I had no choice when it came to being great. I just am great. I’m not trying to sound cocky or full of myself, but Kenny Powers has a sneaking suspicion that no matter what comes his way he will always be great. Because that’s just the way stuff works sometimes. This has been based on a true story. The end.

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