It’s Like A M*A*S*H* Unit Around Here

An article by posted on May 29, 2012

In Doug’s Dugout today we explore, M*A*S*H*, Baseball style, and other off-center thoughts:

Cue the Fife ‘n Drum Corpse, er Corps. Sound the theme to M*A*S*H*, the movie or television series. Either one will do.

The Mets are on their way to setting a team record for the number of players to man the shortstop position in one calendar week. Only the Gabor sisters had more ex-husbands.

Maybe they can sign Hawkeye Pierce, Trapper John, or Hot Lips to fill in for Reuben Tejada, Ronny Cedeno, and Justin Turner. Maybe Buddy Harrelson would be willing to commute again from Long Island to Queens.

Calling all Frank Taveras’, Rey Ordonez’s, and Tim Foli’s to report to the Citi Field exit off the Grand Central. Holy Kevin Elster or Kevin Mitchell, Batman (HoJo is well-rested and tanned down in Florida)

The Mets continue to hang in there despite a bevy of regulars soaking in the hot tub. As per usual, Jason Bay is the slowest healer in baseball history. Tejada is Missing in Action, and Josh Thole is Excedrin Headache #1.

With all the advances in modern medicine why does it take twice as long for players’ to heal than it did say 20, 30, 40 years ago? Just follow the guaranteed contracts, my friends. Nevertheless, to error on the side of caution when it comes to head injuries, is okay by me.

However, even Keith Hernandez, not exactly a fossil, extolled on the inordinate amount of time it takes for today’s player to vacate the DL. I guess he forgot how many games he lost due to tight hammy’s. But, he did have a point.

Nobody knows what the heck happened to Cedeno. One minute he’s leading off first, the next gingerly strolling back into the dugout. “Understudy, Please!”

All in unison Mets fans: How it would be nice to go to war with a full platoon! I thought we traded Carlos Beltran (who is tearing it up) and passed the salt on Jose’ Reyes for just that reason, but the hits (to the body) keep on coming.

Speaking of injuries (and being skittish about them), if Sandy Alderson was so gun-shy about shelling out $10 mill for Chris Capuano, because of previous arm woes-that he proved were in the past last season, how do you think he’ll react to seeing the fit lefty starting for the National League in the All-Star game?

Badly, I hope.

With Mike Pelfrey gone, Cap would’ve slid right into the number two slot. Well, the good news is Ike Davis is physically healthy so far, but mentally fouled up. Send him to Niagara Falls already.

At least we found some suitable replacements, such as Mike Baxter (the new Danny Heep) and Vinny Rottino, recently. I suspect, like Jeremy Lin, their novelty acts will wear old soon enough. (I would mention the young centerfielder more often, but my typing fingers are just not developed enough to bang out his name.)

Injuries are part of the game and no team is immune. (Spend 5 minutes. or 60, reading the burgeoning names on the DL). Heck, the commish had to approve a new 7-game list because so many players are getting hurt.

Have no fear, Terry Collins just received a new shipment of duct tape, bailing wire, and Krazy Glue for the next spate of games, er injuries.

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