A Letter To R.A. Dickey
It has come to our attention that you plan on doing a charity junket to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, in Africa.
Although we are sure that it is for a worthy cause, unwed mothers is that right? As your employer the N.Y. Mets respectfully request that you reconsider.
Mountain climbing is the third most dangerous sport in the world, eclipsed only by shark punching, and professional eating competitions. If you slipped while on the mountain and aggravated your fascia planteritis, we, as an organization would have to pretend we don’t know you. What’s more is we would not be required to pay the remaining $4.75 million we owe to you, so we could then give it to Bobby Bonilla.
It is with deep regret and heavy hearts that we, the N.Y. Mets, as an organization must ask one of our employees to make such a sacrifice as this. But if you don’t stay off that damn mountain you can kiss the last year on your stinking contract good-bye. We will cut you loose so fast your head will spin.
Perhaps you can find a more suitable charity to donate to. Like the newly formed charitable fund to keep the Mets in New York. Send all donations to: email@example.com
Thank you R.A. for your cooperation with the N.Y. Metropolitan Baseball Club, a.k.a. Sterling Liquidations Ltd. Have a nice day.
Jeff Wilpon, COO
About the Author: Peter Shapiro
The first time I went to Shea was not for a Mets game, it was for the Beatles concert there in August of '66. My first Met game was '67, a guy named Salty Parker was the interim-manager then. My first pennant race was 1969. As a 12 year-old that summer and fall, I managed to get to the park for 3 games. The first was the beginning of the Miracle which actually started on Tuesday July 8, 1969 with a day game against the Cubs. I was there a lot in '73. I saw games 3 & 5 of the 1973 NL Playoffs against the "Big Red Machine", from the upper deck behind home plate. It was from there that I witnessed the fight between Bud Harrelson and Pete Rose, and the mayhem that ensued. And that sweet victory in game 5! I saw a couple of WS games at Shea that year against that legendary Oakland A's club. I was there in 1985 for every single game Dr. K pitched including his two 16 strikeout performances, and the day he one-hit the Cubs on an infield single and the Mets won 1-0. I loved being a Met fan in those days. Hopefully we are once again preparing to emerge from the darkness.
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