Ollie’s Last Stand?

Gas is expensive these days and so would be swallowing the contract of Ollie Perez.  Right now you couldn’t get a tank of unleaded in a trade for the maddening lefty. 
 
Nevertheless, it’s time to remove the tags and push this clunker down the hill.  For everyone’s sanity.  “They Shoot Lefties, Don’t they?” has found it’s leading man-Perez, and the Mets gleefully send him off to his next starring role.
 
Because he ‘ain’t getting it done in the Big Apple.  Yesterday’s 3 1/3 innings of putrid pitching is Exhibit A. Plan B must be invoked before his next start, Friday in Florida. 
 
Stash him in the bullpen before he can do more damage as a starter; 7 walks, 1 HBP, against the Giants, aces his exit interview.  Please, before he inflicts any more pain on the many innocent bystanders.
 
(Conversely, Perez is beloved by the beer vendors and bartenders at Citi Field, as sales rise precipitously when he pitches.)
 
If Jerry Manuel’s rubber stamp of disapproval is out of ink, then Omar Minaya has to step in.  He’s paying for the precision of a Mercedes but getting the ride of a Pacer instead.  Bestowing a $48 million dollar endowment on the pitching version of the Edsel is one rust-bucket of a transaction.
 
Maybe Minaya can get Jeff Wilpon to have contractors install a heater on the mound to comfort Ollie on chilly days in Queens.  Or maybe, the Mexican League can take back their native son. 
 
I hear it’s a tad warmer in Mexico (or Alaska) than at the new Shea Stadium these days.  Can people hold onto their garbage so it doesn’t end up swirling around the infield?
 
Speaking of garbage,  something has to be done about Perez, post haste.  Otherwise management’s message is disconcerting: Money rules even if it blocks the road to contention. 
 
Part of improving as a team is eliminating or improving the flaws. What’s the line on finding someone more useful than Perez in the organization?  Even money, is about right.
 
Right now, sending Perez to the mound every five days is as prudent as driving a Toyota Prius with a stuck gas pedal.  Recall this jalopy, or sell him for parts at the plethora of chop shops along Willets Point. 
 
Heck, my first car, a ’71 Chevelle had better control.  Surely, Hisanori Takahashi can be relied upon for five or six innings of work. 
 
If not, then when Ryota Igarashi is ready to pitch (eligible to vacate the DL on May 6th) then audition him for Ollie’s role.  If the Mets build an insurmountable lead, then MAYBE, let Perez mop up. 
 
(Perhaps with no notice he will stop thinking and come in and throw strikes.)
 
Minaya has to do something before poor Dan Warthen hangs himself.  Hopefully, it will be a rope built for two.
 
Seriously, Plan B must be mobilized before every clear thinking supportive fan loses his lucidness.  Charter a plane from Buffalo and stock it with R.A. Dickey, Tobi Stoner, Elmer Dessens, Pat  Misch, Dillon Gee, and the Bisons’ Mascot, for goodness sake. 
 
The Mets might catch lightening in a bottle instead of lightening striking Metville every Perez start.  Bad Ollie has to be shown the door for humanities sake.