13
2010
Ollie’s Last Stand?
An article by Doug Branch
Gas is expensive these days and so would be swallowing the contract of Ollie Perez. Right now you couldn’t get a tank of unleaded in a trade for the maddening lefty.
Nevertheless, it’s time to remove the tags and push this clunker down the hill. For everyone’s sanity. “They Shoot Lefties, Don’t they?” has found it’s leading man-Perez, and the Mets gleefully send him off to his next starring role.
Because he ‘ain’t getting it done in the Big Apple. Yesterday’s 3 1/3 innings of putrid pitching is Exhibit A. Plan B must be invoked before his next start, Friday in Florida.
Stash him in the bullpen before he can do more damage as a starter; 7 walks, 1 HBP, against the Giants, aces his exit interview. Please, before he inflicts any more pain on the many innocent bystanders.
(Conversely, Perez is beloved by the beer vendors and bartenders at Citi Field, as sales rise precipitously when he pitches.)
If Jerry Manuel’s rubber stamp of disapproval is out of ink, then Omar Minaya has to step in. He’s paying for the precision of a Mercedes but getting the ride of a Pacer instead. Bestowing a $48 million dollar endowment on the pitching version of the Edsel is one rust-bucket of a transaction.
Maybe Minaya can get Jeff Wilpon to have contractors install a heater on the mound to comfort Ollie on chilly days in Queens. Or maybe, the Mexican League can take back their native son.
I hear it’s a tad warmer in Mexico (or Alaska) than at the new Shea Stadium these days. Can people hold onto their garbage so it doesn’t end up swirling around the infield?
Speaking of garbage, something has to be done about Perez, post haste. Otherwise management’s message is disconcerting: Money rules even if it blocks the road to contention.
Part of improving as a team is eliminating or improving the flaws. What’s the line on finding someone more useful than Perez in the organization? Even money, is about right.
Right now, sending Perez to the mound every five days is as prudent as driving a Toyota Prius with a stuck gas pedal. Recall this jalopy, or sell him for parts at the plethora of chop shops along Willets Point.
Heck, my first car, a ’71 Chevelle had better control. Surely, Hisanori Takahashi can be relied upon for five or six innings of work.
If not, then when Ryota Igarashi is ready to pitch (eligible to vacate the DL on May 6th) then audition him for Ollie’s role. If the Mets build an insurmountable lead, then MAYBE, let Perez mop up.
(Perhaps with no notice he will stop thinking and come in and throw strikes.)
Minaya has to do something before poor Dan Warthen hangs himself. Hopefully, it will be a rope built for two.
Seriously, Plan B must be mobilized before every clear thinking supportive fan loses his lucidness. Charter a plane from Buffalo and stock it with R.A. Dickey, Tobi Stoner, Elmer Dessens, Pat Misch, Dillon Gee, and the Bisons’ Mascot, for goodness sake.
The Mets might catch lightening in a bottle instead of lightening striking Metville every Perez start. Bad Ollie has to be shown the door for humanities sake.
About the Author: Doug Branch
Doug has been sports writing since 1983. He first wrote about the Mets at spring training that year, and his first interviewee was surly catcher Ron Hodges. He currently writes for Mets Inside Pitch, among other magazines published by Scout Publishing-which is owned by Fox Sports. He began following the team during the Wes Westrum era, and redeemed many Borden milk coupons for free Saturday baseball. The night of Tom Seaver's imperfect game against the Cubs, he was in line to buy a ticket when the windows slammed shut and abject disappointment ensued.
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You just think you see Perez on the mound pitching-it’s all a ruse-it really is Aaron Heilmann wearing Ollie’s number.
That is even a slap in the face to Aaron Heilman. It is a shame this guy has the talent but completely lack focus.
Now that is almost a slap in Arron Heilman’s face Ollie is a total disaster this year. It is a shame Ollie has the tools lacks a world of focus.
Look, I don’t care what his salary is. If Perez stinks up the joint for a couple of more starts, get his ticket to Buffalo and let him work it out down there. We have to keep ridding the team of these albatrosses and bring up smart, hungry guys with talent like Carter and Niese. Besides, a stint in the minors worked for Steve Trachsel a few years ago so why is this imitation of a pitcher deserving of any better treatment?
Salary is the only reason the Mets are being patient with him. At some point though, they have to come to their senses and realize what drag this guy is on this rotation. Maybe the bullpen isn’t such a bad idea. The best thing that can happen is he finds some success comingout of the pen. The worst that can happen already is happening so no change there.
Eureka! I’ve got it. Put him in the bullpen with binoculars to try and steal signs like the Phillies do. Crap-that won’t work either, he’ll be so confused he’ll be waiting for the catcher to run out to give him the sign. Darn, I tried.
Not smart enough. The money is already spent. You will never trade him. No one is as dumb as Omar was when he signed him. If you are running him out there hoping he will look good enough to trade, fuggedaboutit. You are only hurting this team.
When Ollie comes to mind, he often infuriates me. To keep my sanity, I sometimes think of the song, Hokey Pokey.
Ollie gets in and out of a casket reserved for the careers of major league pitchers more times than a cat with 9 lives. Whenever I completely write him off, he jumps back out of the casket and surprises me.
So here’s to Ollie with the last three verses of Hokey Pokey.
You put your backside in,
You put your backside out;
You put your backside in,
And you shake it all about.
You do the Hokey-Pokey,
And you turn yourself around.
That’s what it’s all about!
You put your head in,
You put your head out;
You put your head in,
And you shake it all about.
You do the Hokey-Pokey,
And you turn yourself around.
That’s what it’s all about!
You put your whole self in,
You put your whole self out;
You put your whole self in,
And you shake it all about.
You do the Hokey-Pokey,
And you turn yourself around.
That’s what it’s all about
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