Brian Stokes has been missing since April 28th and none seems to know why he hasn’t been seen in a game since then.
When last seen, Stokes was wearing his home uniform and had tossed 1.2 scoreless innings against the Marlins.
He can easily be identified by his 0.00 ERA.
Stokes is known to brandish a 98 MPH heater in his arsenal so consider him armed and dangerous.
He asn’t been convicted of any crimes, but we’d like to bring him in for questioning.
He may have been injured during an encounter with a pesky Marlin, but none of his associates have confirmed that.
Some believe he may a victim of foul play by his manager, Jerry Manuel, who has been known to bury people alive in the back of the bullpen and sometimes chain players in the back of his doghouse. We are keeping a close watch on him and consider him one of our prime suspects in this case.
We are also keeping an eye on one called Sean Green who has apparently had a lot to gain since Stokes disappeared.
We will continue to update you as we learn more information.
SERIOUSLY… Where is this guy???