In keeping with a new off season resolution to only aim for the positive and lighthearted of our favorite game, I thought I would do something fun for my latest blog. Are you ready? (Everybody nods excitedly and screams,” Okay!”) Well alright then! Instead of a winners and losers of the off season, this will be “MLB Turkey and Sides”. For every delicious part of Thanksgiving, I have compared a certain player to. So here goes…
Sweet Potatoes: Barry Bonds – Like Sweet Potatoes are jealous of the popularity of the mashed, your jealousy of McGwire and Sosa drove you to the use of flavor/performance enhancers. More homeruns will not endear you to the fans if they don’t respect your attitude! We liked you better when you were just plain old Barry and not Baby Huey with a bat.
Mashed Potatoes: Paul Lo Duca – You brought so much to the Mets table these past two years Paulie. Alas, an alleged romp with a teenage tater tot helped punch your ticket out of Queens. Sadly, you will be replaced by some other spud behind the plate.
Cranberry Sauce: David Wright – One of my favorite parts of the whole Thanksgiving meal and the Mets team! Everybody loves your humility and team first attitude, willing to even lay down your hard earned place as Mets third baseman for Alex Rodriguez.
Turkey: A-Rod, Steinbrenner family, Scott Boras – I suppose you could say that the Yankees organization as a whole is a huge over cooked turkey. If that’s true it starts with the legs, Hank and Hal Steinbrenner who are slowly taking over from the Papa Turkey himself, George. You played right into Bor- Rods’ little hands, and now are on the hook for nearly $300 million bucks. I hope the all time homerun king being a Yankee is worth the hefty luxury tax. Lastly, A- Rod and Scott Boras, the breasts of the turkey itself, are a sure fire couple of boobs in reality. I have a feeling that the Yankees AND both of you might regret this whole thing.
In the interest of space I will close with the basket of rolls… kind of an honorable mention of sorts. Here they are:
Livian Hernandez, David Wells, Joba Chamberlain (clean off the bugs first), and C.C. Sabathia…
At the very least I hope I got a chuckle out of you, and wish all of you and yours a Happy Thanksgiving!